Key points

Resistance gives us a false sense of control.

Pushing reality away leaves us exhausted and depleted.

Acceptance is the path to growth and freedom.

Lisa, a client in her mid-50s, came to me a few months after her divorce . She was furious—at her ex for leaving, at her friends for not choosing sides, and most of all at herself for “failing” in her marriage . Beneath all that anger was something more profound: resistance. She clung to the fantasy that if she just tried harder, maybe her ex would come back.

“I can’t accept this,” she said. “This isn’t how things were supposed to be. It’s not how I imagined my life.”

That disconnect—between what we want things to be and how they are—is where many of us get stuck. However, the truth is that accepting reality isn’t about

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