HEAVEN - Televangelist Kenneth Copeland spent a solid twenty minutes speaking in tongues during his broadcast this morning, leaving Almighty God puzzled as to what in tarnation Mr. Copeland was trying to say to Him.

"What - what is this dude blabbering on about?" said the Lord. "Did anyone catch any of that? Poor Kenneth! He doesn't seem to know English. Can someone please go tell him to just talk to me?"

According to those watching the broadcast, Copeland started off with a lot of ha-la-ba-la sounds, which had a nice Arabic flare to it. Then came the hard consonants, with what sounded like a hakuna-matata thrown in. Sadly, no one was there to interpret anything being said, leaving only the vague impression of a resounding gong. Then came the standard promise of blessings in return for c

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