BIDDLEFORD, ME — The foundations of Christendom were rocked to their very core this week after local atheist Chaz Piddington noted that Christians eat shellfish and wear mixed fabrics.

"You claim to be a Christian, and yet I noticed you're wearing a satin-polyester blend shirt and eating shrimp cocktail," said Piddington to a nearby Christian who was wearing a satin-polyester blend shirt and eating shrimp cocktail. "Apparently you haven't read the Old Testament law. Why don't you go stone someone while you're at it? HA!"

"We've never heard this line of argumentation in the entire 2000-year history of our faith," said noted Christian apologist Frank Turek. "Mr. Piddington, with this simple question no one has thought of before, has completely dismantled my faith forever. I'm not sure what

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