WASHINGTON, D.C. — Witnesses looked on in horror as President Trump commandeered an excavator from outside the White House and began heading for the Capitol.

"I'll show you a king!" shouted Trump as he began tearing down the door. "Don't worry, no one's in there working, believe me. Some of us have to keep working right through the shutdown, but not these people. They're all on vacation, all wandering around pumpkin patches while your favorite President keeps working. That's okay, I'll have this all made into a new hotel before they even get back."

Onlookers stated that Trump expertly operated the excavator, obviously skilled and experienced with the machinery. "This is clearly not his first time running an excavator," said local man Josh Simmons. "He had the whole entry way torn up in m

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