So I’m watching the Toronto Blue Jays about to celebrate their crushing victory over the New York Yankees, but nothing is happening.

Wearing division-winning ball caps over ski goggles, they’re fondling bottles of champagne but not uncorking them. It becomes clear that they’ve been ordered to stand down until manager John Schneider arrives to address the crowd of players and media types.

I’m thinking this is gonna be good, historical, maybe even inspirational.

Schneider: “Every single one of you f—king bullpen gamers. Nathan Lukes, Miles Straw, all you mother—-kers. It takes everybody, every day. Start spreading the word, bitches. We’re going!” Then he fired off a champagne cork and was immediately drowned in bubbly himself.

I’m guessing some children were injured watching this speech

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