GOESSEL, KS

After a tight vote in the US Senate, President Joe Biden has been ousted and will be replaced with a half-asleep Mennonite man from just outside Goessel, Kansas.

“Shhh, you don’t want to wake President Friesen,” said Vice-President Harris, inching quietly next to the sleeping Menno. “He’s gotta be well-rested to start serving the nation on Monday morning.”

President Elect Garth Friesen, 57, usually takes a nice long every afternoon after chores and it was precisely this napping ability that drew voters to him.

“We’ve gotta have someone at least as alert as Joe Biden,” said political commentator Peter Yoder. “We figure a Mennonite man in mid-sleep outta do it.”

The napping Menno has still not yet been told of his new position, but informed relatives are eagerly awaiting his

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