DEAR ERIC: My brother (65) lost his wife to Covid in 2023. I (F73) relocated to take care of him while grieving. He has numerous health issues. He does nothing for himself.

I take care of all washing, cooking as well as ordering and dispensing his medications. He is incontinent recently and refuses to wear disposable underwear I purchase for him. There is mess everywhere. I am fed up.

How do I address this with him without creating hurt feelings and tension? I am exhausted from cleaning up after him and am tempted to let the bathroom at least stay filthy. Help!

– Exhausted Sister

DEAR SISTER: Your brother may still be in the throes of grief over the loss of his wife, and perhaps has diminished capacity. That’s understandable, but that does not preclude him from showing up in some way f

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