Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

Ten years ago, my parents divorced after 35 years of marriage following decades of bitterness. Since then, having them in the same room is all but guaranteed to end in disaster. This past June, during my son’s high school graduation party at an upscale restaurant, they got into it. After some extremely ugly things were said, my father threw a drink on my mother, and she grabbed a cheesecake off the dessert cart and smashed it into his chest. My daughter recently got engaged, and, understandably, she does not want a repeat of this fiasco at her wedding. But I’m just not sure about her proposed fix.

She says that only one of my parents can come to th

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