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GALILEE — A local family rejoiced after a wayward son returned in repentance to his father, though subsequent reports claimed that this was because he just ran out of SNAP benefits.

Sources said that the father ran out to his son, who looked a little pudgy after living on government-subsidized junk food for months, and embraced him.

"My father! I have sinned, and am no longer worthy to be called your son," said the young prodigal to his weeping dad. "Is there anything in the fridge? My EBT card hasn't been working since this government shutdown stuff happened."

Witnesses said the patriarch reportedly told his servants to slaughter the fatted calf and put some nutritious food on the table for the malnourished welfare recipient.

"Let us eat unprocessed fo

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