CORINTH — Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, reportedly left an Elf on the Shelf at the struggling church in Corinth where it can safely monitor everyone's sins.

Church membership first became aware of the elf after receiving a letter from Paul rebuking them for errors he couldn't possibly have learned of without divine revelation or an Elf on the Shelf.

"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you," Paul wrote in his letter, shocking the congregation as he hadn't been to Corinth in months.

"How does he know?" an elder said under his breath as he read the letter aloud for the congregation. "Hey, wait a minute..."

At the direction of the elders, church deacons searched for the elf, which they found sitting on a shelf by the wine used

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