Dear James,

Why does every online “support group” I’ve joined seem to turn into something worse than the original trauma for which I need support? I’m not a perpetual victim, but over the past 12 years, I’ve felt the need to leave at least four online communities for the sake of my mental health.

The first was a forum for daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder. When its founder converted to a paid model, the restrictions felt like a betrayal, the dynamic became strained, and I lost many valuable connections. Another was a Facebook group for moms who’d experienced life-threatening pregnancy complications. For a time it was nice, but some women became unkind, and it started feeling less like a support group and more like a mean girls’ lunch table. Yet another was a for

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