THE $1 trillion pay award given to Elon Musk will enable him to learn money cannot buy happiness on a scale never before imagined.

Already the world’s richest man, the shareholder-approved pay deal – £760 billion in sterling – means Musk can throw truly unparalleled amounts of cash at failing to bring joy to his black, shrivelled heart.

He said: “There is nothing this money cannot do. Except one thing, obviously, that I will spend all of it and the rest of my life discovering.

“I will create a legion of sexbots so realistic not even her own mother will be able to tell them apart from Sydney Sweeney. I will create a simulated reality in which Tommy Robinson rules England justly, fairly and with maximum bigotry.

“I will purchase a whole country – Argentina, I’m thinking – and become its

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