BURGER KING CASTLE — The Burger King issued an edict from his throne this week and urged senators to vote against confirming Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Secretary of Health and Human Services.

"Countrymen! Hear me, hear me!" the Burger King declared. "I beseech you from the bottom of my buns to throw off your vote and vanquish this hater of our kingdom to the outer realms of our fair land. Please, don't let this char-grilled charlatan usurp power from our burger-loving brethren. Vote nay!"

The Burger King also released a flurry of statements on X, most of them written in emojis using the fries, burger, and frowny-face icons.

"I watched his confirmation hearing," the Burger King continued. "I don't understand what his beef is with our company. There was not one nugget of truth to his scurri

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