CAMBRIDGE, MA — The President of Harvard University, Claudine Gay, announced today that the university has installed Jew detectors at all entrances.

"This is a step in the right direction," President Gay told reporters. "It might not be the last step. We are always looking for a final solution to the Jewish problem on campus."

The move to install Jew detectors at all entrances comes amidst a wave of anti-semitic attacks on campus. The hope in using the detector system is that, once detected, Jewish students can be safely concentrated away in a location or camp where they will be free to be Jewish away from the other students.

The detectors, which claim to be capable of detecting a Jew with 99.99% accuracy, are designed to pick up the most blatant Zionism, basic ethnic markers, and even

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