Miss Manners: What do I say when my husband, an alcoholic, misses an event?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a small, rural community where reputation is very important. He is a serious alcoholic, which results in him missing activities where his presence is expected.

I go alone, then, and am comfortable doing so, except when I am asked, “Where’s Joe?”

I don’t want to betray his secret, and I don’t want to lie, so I generally say that he’s not feeling well -- which is true. But then I often get follow-up questions about what is wrong (especially with COVID, since people wonder if contagion is a concern). What should I say?

GENTLE READER: The pandemic has provided a reasonable basis for inquiring, with what had previously been improper nosiness, about other people’s medical conditions.

But fears of contagion should only apply when he is present, not