U.S. — As the Department of Government Efficiency continued scouring federal agencies on a crusade to eliminate waste and unnecessary positions, a new jobs report showed skyrocketing unemployment among lizard people.

The study sought to investigate the current employment status of the race of malevolent reptilian overlords populating various levels of government, with results indicating that a record number of the lizard creatures had recently lost their jobs and were now looking for work.

"DOGE has been particularly cruel to the lizards from Zornak VI," lead researcher Dr. Philip Brinkenhoffer said. "While there has been virtually no unemployment among the lizard people since they assumed power behind the scenes, Elon Musk has really wreaked havoc on their positions."

To make matters w

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