YOU believe the relationship ended with dignity and mutual respect. What she’s telling her new partner is a great deal funnier than that. Here’s what they’re laughing about:

Every monumentally stupid thing you ever said

It’s easy to repeat bollocks you’ve not thought through. Your guard was down. You didn’t really believe there was a hook-handed killer hiding in the back of your car, though she’s recounting it as you very much did and crapped yourself. Everyone’s gullible occasionally. It’s not fair you look an idiot and he gets sex.

Every bad gift you ever gave

Poor planning, lack of funds, an attempt at humorous irony or just misplaced spontaneity means yeah, you gave your share of shit presents. That doesn’t mean she has to take him on a little tour of them while ignoring all the go

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