EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter illegal immigrants.

Though illegal immigration is down a whopping 100%, critics argue the innovative border security simply goes too far. "Indiscriminate 'thwomping' of undocumented immigrants is a human rights violation!" Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said, weeping. "I can't even!"

Gov. Abbott strongly defended his decision to deploy Thwomps (sentient living stones) to the border. "It's the most efficient way of protecting a castle or state," he said. "And it's humane! Nice, quick death. Oh, wait, I probably shouldn't say that. Don't print that."

In a statement, President Joe Biden also expressed his concern that the U.S.-Mexico Border Thwomps had

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