POUGHKEEPSIE, NY - After being denied holy communion by San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, the Church of Satan graciously reached out to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to remind her she is still eligible to partake of the Satanic Eucharist. It's like the normal Eucharist - but evil.

"The Church of Satan welcomes all," said the church in an official statement. "Although Speaker Pelosi claims to be a devout Catholic, she advocates for the legal murder of babies and lives a life of self-worship that is inspiring to see. She would be a great addition to our congregation!"

Pelosi was flattered by the satanic invitation and referred to the Church of Satan as "an upstanding pillar of the American community."

"I don't know why Pelosi would want to be Catholic if she doesn't believe in a

See Full Page