Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband, “John,” and I have a 1-year-old. Before we conceived, we had a whole plan. We’d have two kids, close together. John would work, and I’d stay home until they were ready for school, with some help from my mom. Then I’d go back to work too. But my mom got sick, and now my siblings and I are helping her. John got laid off shortly before our son was born. His whole industry is in freefall, so I went back to work after my maternity leave, and he stayed home. His job offers wouldn’t even cover the cost of daycare.

John’s a great dad, but he’s really unhappy with this arrangement. He feels isolated and ashamed that he’s not working. There are n

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