Stop stealing all our best ideas, hipsters! Mennonites don’t want to be “hip.” We’ve made concerted efforts over the last few centuries to be the most uncool people you can imagine, so we’d appreciate if all the hipsters would immediately cease and desist from the following activities:

Organic Food: Hey! Mennonites have been eating home-grown food, “heirloom” tomatoes, free range eggs and all the rest for centuries. We don’t need a seal of approval to know the rhubarb grown in Mrs. Yoder’s garden is free from pesticides and more-or-less safe to eat.

Primitive Transportation: Apparently it’s “cool” now to get around in the most primitive means possible. Hipsters don’t drive in cars or even multi-geared bicycles. Instead, the hip thing is a fixed-gear bike or just walking around with the

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