TELLURIDE, CO — Local place of worship The Church of the Shepherd was accused of heresy of the highest order after its staff was caught handing out LED candles to sing "Silent Night" instead of real fire-burning candles as God intended.

"HERESY!" yelled church member Olin Wilson, as he saw the scene play out before him. "You can't pass out fake candles to sing 'Silent Night!' It's unnatural!"

Church membership remained divided on the issue, with some believing LED candles were more than acceptable considering the Bible doesn't even raise the issue.

"Do you think they were passing around candles and singing 'Silent Night' in the first century? I don't think so," member Eileen Niemons commented. "The song wasn't even written until 1818. Honestly, the Bible doesn't even mention Christmas —

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