In the last few months, my Instagram feed has been full of videos advising single women out there to make a list of all the qualities they are looking for in a boyfriend or husband, in order to manifest their partner . However, the thing I struggled with the most in the past year was realizing that a lot of my friends didn't have the qualities that I was asking for in a partner, like empathy, ambition, or self sufficiency.

I recently stepped back from a friendship because our values and opinions on politics, immigration, and racism were polar opposites. She seemed to align with far-right conservatives, and believed that people of color are perpetually playing victims and that racism doesn’t exist. As a woman of color, this hurt to hear.

My friends aren't something I have intentionall

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