Simon Cowell was in the middle of filming his new Netflix docuseries when Liam Payne tragically died.

Simon Cowell: The Next Act, which began streaming on Wednesday, December 10, includes footage of the music mogul, 66, breaking down in tears at home and considering canceling the show’s search for a new boy band after he heard about the former One Direction member’s fatal fall from a hotel balcony.

“This completely changes everything,” a visibly emotional Cowell says. “I don’t know if I can do anything for a while.”

In a confessional, Cowell recalls meeting Payne when the singer first auditioned for his U.K. show The X Factor in 2008. Payne was ultimately cut from the competition but returned in 2010 and formed One Direction with Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik

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