Carolyn Hax: Partner is enmeshed with family member but doesn’t see the problem

Dear Carolyn: My partner is enmeshed with her family member. I think it may have something to do with a family trauma, and it may also be cultural.

I am wondering if there is any hope for a couple when one partner does not realize they are enmeshed. She sees their relationship as completely normal, but my boundaries are regularly violated: family member showing up to work events, last-minute changes of plan that I am forced into accommodating, family member getting angry when not included in private social events, shows of physical affection that seem inappropriate to me (but are cultural and not sexual, so I’m trying to get over my inner squick).