GREENLAND, MB

The Toews family of Greenland was sent into crisis mode this Friday evening after a jar of salsa was discovered on the table next to the farmer sausage.

“I’m shook to the core,” said Elmer Toews, patriarch of the family. “I’m not sure how this got on the table or even what is it, exactly, but it seems far too flavourful to belong in a Mennonite meal.”

Toews says he tried out a little bit on the corner of his plate, but immediately recoiled at the medium spice.

“I’ve seen some of the Penners use ketchup,” said Toews. “And that’s unforgivable enough. But salsa? I’m not even sure how it got into the house.”

Mrs. Toews says it’s been in the back of the pantry for a while, but claims she, too, does not know how it got there.

“Maybe one of our teenage sons picked it up on his

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