WASHINGTON, D.C. - Upon reading a communiqué describing Amercans' growing discomfort with record-breaking gas prices, coupled with dependence on foreign oil, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, clad in an elaborate 18th-century royal gown, announced to his twittering entourage, "Let them drive Teslas."

"It is an absurdly simple solution to our domestic energy crisis. Does the peasantry not understand what an electric car is?" scoffed Buttigieg while hiding a delicate laugh behind his silken kerchief. "I do say, if they lack the simple notion of what a Tesla is, I must declare them a hopeless, wretched class of people."

When a thoughtful member of Buttigieg's powdered retinue suggested that commoners may, in fact, understand what a Tesla was, but lacked the financial resources to sim

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