LABOUR? Having a migrant clampdown? Doing one thing and saying the other mate, I should know, I voted for Boris and Brexit. Here’s what’s really happening:

Stopping foreign students overstaying visas

Yeah well I did some scaffolding on campus and these foreign students? Rich as f**king Crozier, waltzing to lectures with Louis Vuitton backpacks. Not fake either, I know because I nicked one and eBayed it. They’ll just buy a new visa or citizenship if they want to. Terrible state of affairs, wouldn’t have happened under the Tories.

Stopping refugees bringing family members

Means the exact opposite. You know how we’re all related to each other thanks to some randy bastard called Charlemagne? Labour’s taken that to its logical extreme. You can now claim anyone’s your relative as we’re all p

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