BERNE, IN

In recent weeks, cities across the country have banned plastic straws because of their environmental impact. While many are supportive of the idea, there has been some resistance, particularly from the nation’s 500,000 Mennonites, who see the ban on plastic straws as an infringement on their Second Amendment rights.

“We’re pacifists, so we don’t have many means to defend ourselves like the rest of society,” said Elder Funk of Berne, Indiana. “We can’t use guns or knives or other weapons. But every Mennonite home is well equipped with plastic straws and spitballs. It’s all we have!”

Funk has already taken his case to the Indiana state Supreme Court in Indianapolis, where a ruling on the matter is expected later this week.

“Plastic straws are all we have to defend our homes and

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