‘Grief doesn’t have a timeline, especially when it comes to losing a child’

When Jane Oh and Ben Yan’s 6-month-old son Alexander unexpectedly died in 2017, time seemed to stop.

Grief paralyzed the Vancouver couple. Oh could barely get out of bed for the first two years and lost her career as a dentist. Yan, a physician, struggled at work. The cultural stigma surrounding death deepened their isolation. Yet, their oldest son, James, then just 5 years old, still needed his parents.

“It’s a crime against nature, burying a child,” said Yan, 49. “If you lose your parents, you’re an orphan. If you lose your husband, you’re a widow. But there’s no word for a bereaved parent.”

Now, after eight years, Oh and Yan are feeling less lonely in their unimaginable loss. In July, Oh co-founded Healing Hearts, a support group for parents and families across Southwest Washington w