Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.

When I was a preteen, I was smart, resourceful, and hypersexual. Although this could have been a dangerous combination, it mostly just gave me inventive ways to act out my perversions when no one was looking. This included stealing porn, trying to have sex with fruit, experimenting with Jacuzzi jets, and attempting to get off with the bathtub faucet. A girl at school told me that if you ran the water hard enough in the bathtub and got your parts close to it, it was like having sex. Unfortunately, it didn’t work like that for boy parts, and it was awkward trying to maneuver myself up under the running faucet. I often felt frustrated by these failed experiments. I re

See Full Page