DT phots1 / Shutterstock

U.S. — In the latest in an ongoing streak of victories that experts predicted would significantly improve the lives of Americans, President Donald Trump announced that he had ordered the U.S. military to bomb a ship smuggling over 30,000 kilos of illegal pumpkin spice.

Though the unilateral strike in international waters caused shockwaves in the global community and drew criticism from other nations, Trump said that the seizure of the black-market pumpkin spice supply would make the fall season safer for the American people.

"This is a big victory for America," Trump told reporters. "For far too long, illicit pumpkin spice has been flooding across our borders, creating a growing epidemic of addiction and destroying the lives of millions of American housewives. V

See Full Page