Great Danes look majestic, but anyone who has lived with one knows they’re really oversized comedians wrapped in fur. If they had thumbs and a phone, your notifications would be a hilarious mix of neediness, sass, and surprise wisdom. Here’s what your Great Dane would be blowing up your phone with today.

1. “I sneezed on the cat. Again. My bad.”

Your Dane isn’t sorry. The cat probably deserved it. Or maybe your dog just sneezed with the force of a leaf blower and pretended not to notice the cat’s disgusted exit. Either way, you’d get this text while cleaning fur out of your coffee.

2. “You left the couch. I have absorbed it. It is mine now.”

The second your butt lifts, that couch is a throne. Never mind that there’s barely room for their giraffe sized body. They’ll curl up awkwardly, t

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