NHS TRUST league tables have been published, so it’s never been easier to change your location to get the best medical care. Here’s what you should do:

Consult the league table

There’s no reason to compromise on quality, so pick a trust in the top three. Inform your family you’re moving to Northumbria, and ignore people who say it’s ridiculous to reduce hospitals to a numbered list. Explain it’s like the Top 40, where the number one is always the absolute best piece of music in existence that week.

Sell your house

Your house will go for the asking price as soon as the estate agent puts it in the window, so now all you need to do is choose a new one – there are loads online – and buy it. It’s even easier for renters, who can pack their few possessions in a rucksack and move stright into

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