LONDON, UK

Today is a historic day as British voters will decide whether or not the United Kingdom will remain part of the European Union. Polls suggest the vote will be tight and, in the event of a UK departure, a group of Russian Mennonites have generously offered to take Britain’s place.

“We’re not that big on voting and government and politics and all that,” explained Johan Barkman, one of the last remaining Mennonites still living in the old Borezenko Colony in Southern Russia (now Ukraine). “We’ve got no particular allegiance to any country–our kingdom is in heaven. So, if those don’t want to be part of the Union, then we’ll gladly join.”

Britain’s potential exit is speculated to have a disastrous effect on the economic situation in Europe, but the Barkmans have a solution for tha

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