ORLANDO — Disney celebrated the grand opening of its newest park attraction today, consisting of a roped off area in the middle of the Magic Kingdom for couples to scream at each other, park employees have reported.

“Honestly it’s wild we didn’t think of this sooner. Around 40% of our guests are couples who let their problems and generational trauma boil over into public screaming matches in front of the churro stand, so we just sectioned off that one spot where couples usually propose, threw up some ‘Monster’s Inc.’ cutouts, and named it the Screamatorium,” said park executive Shannon Walker. “We’ve ensured the line moves painfully slow in order to really let the acrimony build and explode over buying too many custom Minnie Mouse ears. It’s currently more popular than the Haunted Mansion

See Full Page