SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom neatly addressed California's wildfire problem earlier today by announcing that fire will finally be outlawed in California.

The measure will prohibit fire in any and all forms including pilot lights for gas-lit stoves, home fireplaces, and gargantuan wildfires. Sources say that the ban could even expand to include the fire emoji at some point in the future.

"After doing some research on this problem, it occurred to me that all these wildfires have one thing in common: fire," Newsom said to reporters.

"In order to better protect the people of California from fire damage and potentially carcinogenic exposure to wildfire smoke, I will be outlawing all fire in California, effective today," Newsom told reporters. "Quit banging those rocks together, Gar

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