WASHINGTON, D.C. - Rep. Eric Swalwell has filed a lawsuit against Donald Trump and several others, claiming they made him cry for his life and pee-pee his pants and also prepare to use his nunchucks should rioters breach his office door.

"I was, like, in my office, ready to use my nunchucks if I had to," he told reporters at a press conference this morning. "I got them out and I was like 'ka-cha! ka-cha!' all whipping 'em around just in case they came in. I looked pretty awesome, I'm not gonna lie. Do you want to see?"

Reporters said they did not want to see, but Swalwell pressed ahead, getting out his nunchucks and giving a full demonstration. "Pow! Wabang! Hiiiiiya!" he cried with every pose as he whirled the nunchaku around in the air. "Take that, Trump! Bam! There goes a rioter. Pow!

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