STEINBACH, MB

Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items.

“The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger from deep inside his Steinbach home. “Besides, if I have any hope of becoming the town pariah I’ve got to get my butt in gear.”

Unger also spent considerable time on Saturday going door-to-door in the community to clarify that Corny Rempel did not actually get elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and that there really are no plans for a massive Miriam Toews statue.

“I told them it was a joke,” said Unger, a tear rolling down his pasty untanned cheek.

Unger is reportedly working on a 10,000 page book entitled, ‘How to Detect Sa

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