WASHINGTON, D.C. - Dr. Anthony Fauci is embroiled in controversy over his organization reportedly funding an experiment in which dogs had their heads trapped in cages and were eaten by sandflies alive, which we are told is a perfectly normal procedure performed by scientists as well as psychopathic killers in horror movies.

Fauci is hoping that the uproar over the dogs will distract everyone from something he did that was far worse: perform experiments on the populace of the United States for the past eighteen months.

"Now that everyone's upset about the puppies, maybe they'll forget about how I played god with their lives for the last year and a half," he confided to a friend, according to an anonymous source. "Everyone loves puppies. Well, except me, because I'm an evil bad guy. But pe

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