WINNIPEG, MB

Starting this week, all upcoming health updates in the province will be reported using the most accurate medium the province was willing to supply: an old flannelgraph board hauled out of a church basement somewhere.

“In order to keep Manitobans safe, we need to be providing residents with the most reliable and accurate data that’s able to be displayed on a flannelgraph board,” said Health Minister Audrey Gordon. “I’ve already got the deputy minister gathering all the cloth Bible figures they can find.”

Each week, minister Gordon plans to do a brief Bible story from the New Testament, such as the time Jesus healed a man from leprosy, followed by a really vague application to our current health situation.

“In order for folks to make informed decisions about their own health

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