How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

After noticing withdrawals of several hundred dollars from our savings accounts multiple times a month, I learned that my wife has been doing something so shocking that it could end our marriage.

She has been seeing a sex worker. She says that I am “too vanilla” in bed and this is the only way she can satisfy herself and her kinks (it turns out she is into BDSM). I feel completely humiliated. Should I end the marriage, or attempt at some sort of reconciliation?

—Normal Isn’t Good Enough

Dear Normal Isn’t Good Enough,

This is not a simple yes/no scenario. Your wife lied by omission and cheated, and all you have to show for it is an indict

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