HAMILTON, OH - Blaine Caskill woke up Tuesday morning from a night of drinking copious amounts of alcohol to discover he had placed a massive order from Amazon for books from a host of Arminian, open theist, liberal, and other authors having little to do with Caskill's frequently-proclaimed Calvinist views.

"Oh man," Caskill reportedly mumbled. "Oh man. Man. Oh man. What is this? Greg Boyd? Furtick's Unqualified ? Whoa, how trashed was I?"

Caskill, who remembered nothing concrete of the previous evening beyond posting a triumphant picture of his glass of Glenmorangie scotch to his Reformed Facebook group page, vainly tried to remember what led him to ordering nearly $800 in books from a dizzying array of authors that could not possibly be more outside his much-asserted Reformed faith.

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