Key points

Letting kids quit an activity that is challenging but leads to growth is not helpful to them in the long run.

They need the chance to work through the discomfort to build resilience and confidence.

This requires the child doing a hard thing, and the parent doing a hard thing—letting their kid struggle.

Following a child's lead isn't always what's most loving.

It was 1998. My son, Sam (who has given me permission to share this story), was eight, and his dad and I were taking him to his first year at sleepaway camp. Sam had been so excited for months leading up to his departure. He’d visited the camp with his dad for a father-son weekend and loved it. He couldn’t wait to go back.

Then reality hit. At drop-off, Sam panicked. He was sobbing, begging us not to leave him there.

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