The False Idea That Forgiveness Is for Me, Not the Offender

Key points

Forgiveness, defined as a moral virtue, benefits both the forgiver and the offender.

Yet, misunderstanding forgiveness as self-serving distorts its true essence.

True forgiveness involves good-willed actions towards offenders, not just self-healing.

Distinguishing forgiveness from emotional relief preserves its moral virtue.

I often say when interviewed about forgiveness that about 99 percent of the people who attend my talks actually misunderstand what forgiveness is. This is not intended to criticize these individuals. Instead, the point is to emphasize that societies worldwide have not taken sufficient time to discuss, deeply understand, and practice forgiveness.

In other words, it is societies, not individual persons, that have kept silent about what forgiveness is a