HOUSTON, TX — Local wife Thelma Looverton has reportedly taken to using incognito mode to browse fall-scented candles. Her home currently holds 137 fall-scented candles that her husband knows about.

"I can stop anytime I want," whispered Thelma as she bit her lip, absorbing the new line of scented candles such as Nutty Pumpkin Waffle, Cider Sunset Milieu, and Sweaty Autumn Lumberjack. "I just need a candle for the left side of the kid's bathroom to balance out the other seven — well look at that, Apple Pie Orchard Farmhouse Breeze is back in stock, may as well pick up a dozen!"

Witnesses claim Thelma's husband, Ronnie, reported a tingling on the back of his neck and instinctively felt for his wallet. He then called to his wife, who had hurried to the basement to conduct a recount of the

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