U.S. - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which we are assured is a real organization and not satirical, has called upon the MLB to change the name of the wooden sticks players hit the ball with from "bats" to something else as the name is very offensive to small, flying, nocturnal animals.

This call to action comes on the heels of PETA complaining about the name "bullpen" and demanding it be changed to "arm barn", which sounds like a store where you can buy high-quality prosthetic limbs.

"These hateful players swing these 'bats' and bash them into flying white balls at a high rate of speed," said PETA spokesperson Hal Xinderpopskin. "What kind of message do you think this sends? I'll tell you what message it sends: it says that it's OK to beat bats, which is probably a huge pr

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