Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I have two boys, “Aaron,” 9, and “Randall,” 7. Aaron has a friend from school, “Josh,” whose parents are major pot smokers. I have restricted play dates to our place, since I don’t want Aaron going over to Josh’s for obvious reasons. However, I recently caught Aaron and Randall sharing a joint in the backyard. The joint came from Josh, who took it from his parents’ stash. When I questioned Aaron, he said that Josh smokes weed from time to time (his parents didn’t know), and this is the second time he and Randall have used. He involved his brother because Randall threatened to tell his dad and me if Aaron didn’t.

My husband and I went

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