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GREENVILLE, DE — Following the recent announcement of Joe Biden's stage 4 prostate cancer diagnosis, sources reported that Biden family members had grown increasingly worried that they were running out of time to exploit the former president.

Sources close to Joe Biden said members of his immediate family were in "full panic mode" over the prospect that their days of using the former president's influence for their own selfish gain may be coming to an end. One family member was very blunt: "We've got to take full advantage of him — er, our time with him."

"I have all these paintings I need to sell and I'm not sure what I'll do with them once the 'Big Guy' kicks it," Hunter Biden reportedly told a friend. "I mean, I'm like, a totally good artist and don't need

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