THE BBC, having sewn up middle-class viewership with The Celebrity Traitors, is to launch a multi-million pound investigation into the tastes of the poor.

Director-general Tim Davie, who had the ’S’ removed from the end of his surname so he would not be mistaken for a milkman, believes those on low-incomes enjoy staring at diverting glowing oblongs as much as their betters but cannot imagine what they watch.

He said: “It was previously believed they liked ITV, but viewing figures have proved that very, very wrong.

“Our extensive research into the ghastly peccadilloes of the untermenschen suggests they enjoy pre-sliced bread, strongly flavoured yoghurt, loud arguments and pies.

“So we’ve commissioned Oxford graduates to create pie-based sitcom Keep It In The Pie, gameshow Pie Grab

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